


Fallen God

by ArwenisWholocked



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers - Freeform, Flashbacks, Gen, slight whump, the dark world, young Thor and Loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 00:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1449040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArwenisWholocked/pseuds/ArwenisWholocked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SPOILERS FOR THOR: THE DARK WORLD! Taking place during the events from the end of "The Avengers" through the end of "Thor: The Dark World", a view of the above events from Loki's angle (thoughts, emotions, physical/psychological feelings, etc.). Also contains flashbacks from "Thor", "The Avengers", and some made up childhood stuff. No swearing, no pairings (besides Thor/Jane, but that's irrelevant). Rated T for safety; follows the movie plot pretty strictly. I OWN IT ALL. :D Don't I wish... ALL RIGHTS TO MARVEL.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Hey, guys!!! I know… it’s been ages since I started a fanfic, and I’m sorry to anyone who might be following me (ha… ha… ha…). I’ve been busy. XP (Technically, I’m supposed to be studying now, but I’m sacrificing.) Anyway, I finally saw Thor: the Dark World last night and I LOVED IT. Haters gonna hate, but Loki is one of my favorite characters. I’m also a huge fan of angst, so when I saw Loki in his cell after he went slightly insane… :DDD That was amazing. I also wanted to know what Loki thought about all of this during his solitude and stuff, so I figured, what the TARDIS; I’ll write a fanfic. And thus, here I am skimping on German homework to bring you… Fallen God.** _

**1**

Loki stood in brooding silence, watching the prison guards walk away from his cell through his window, which hummed quietly with the power of the impenetrable forcefield that separated Loki from his freedom. He gently massaged his wrists, glad to be free of the ostentatious chains and muzzle he had traveled to Asgard in from Earth following the aftermath of the attack on New York.

A slight sense of humiliation crept into Loki’s mind, bringing with it memories of his failure on Earth, only accentuated by the pounding headache raging in his temples. He closed his eyes and tried to wipe Tony Stark’s smug smirk from his mind, the deafening roar of the creature, and the dull throb of bruised ribs from the beating he had taken—no, had been given—by… what did the humans call it? Oh, yes… the “Hulk”.

A sneer twisted Loki’s lip. Humans… such pitifully simple, mindless creatures, elevating monsters and failed science experiments to the status of heroes, practically worshipping their little happy accidents that defended their beloved freedom.

_**Fools.** _

Opening his eyes, he glanced around at the cell. The walls were replaced by wide, floor to ceiling windows that allowed the guards to keep the prisoners in constant surveillance; each of the windows was charged with a powerful forcefield with enough energy to kill the prisoner if he maintained physical contact with it for too long. The cell itself, however, was curious. While the other cells in the dungeons were completely bare, Loki’s cell had a few meager furnishings—a bed, chair, a table, and a few meaningless, but attractive, decorations.

His mind wandering again, he thought of his reception in Asgard upon his and Thor’s return… _**Thor.**_ A wave of dark, twisted anger woke inside of him, but he forced it back, retaining his blank expression and continuing to stare silently ahead.

xxx

The instant he and Thor had materialized inside the throne room of Asgard, they had been surrounded by guards, their weapons leveled at Loki. Thor, refusing to meet Loki’s defiant glare, had stepped away from the crowd and walked to where Odin, the Allfather, stood watching, his face expressionless. He exchanged a few brief words with Thor, who, after a moment or two, left with a few guards with the Tesseract, likely to one of hidden vaults for safekeeping, one of the securest places for one of the Infinity stones.

Odin finally turned to look at Loki, his face still blank, unblinking in the sudden coolness of Loki’s stare. A wall of ice seemed to spring up between them, impenetrable and unforgiving.

The sound of footsteps distracted the two of them, and they both turned to see Frigga walking towards them, a mixture of relief and sadness written on her face as her eyes met her son’s.

“Loki,” she said, her voice equally torn between emotions. She brushed the hair from his eyes, gently, taking in the cuts and bruises on his face he had received from Banner. She turned to Odin, a slight look of disapproval written in her face.

“Our son has returned, and I find him muzzled and chained, like an animal,” she said. Loki could hear a hint of an accusatory tone in his mother’s voice. “Has he not suffered enough humiliation for his foolishness?”

“The prisoner is a murderer, Frigga, one who has destroyed the lives of many for his own petty desires. Death has been the sentence for far less,” Odin replied simply, emotionlessly.

“The prisoner,” Frigga shot back suddenly, “is your son.” She turned to the guards, drawing herself up to her full height. “Release the muzzle from the prisoner,” she demanded. 

The guards obeyed, and Loki breathed in the fresh air deeply, nodding curtly at his mother. He saw the sadness in her eyes deepen, her heart breaking over the lost innocence of her child. She sighed and rested her hand on his shoulder. 

“Oh, Loki…” she whispered. “What have I done wrong to cause you to become this?”

A pang of regret struck him, unbidden, choking his anger and desire for revenge, silencing the cries of his wounded pride, and— 

“Enough,” Odin’s voice cut through Loki’s thoughts. The moment passed; the regret vanished, his frigid anger restored. 

Odin turned to the guards, ignoring Loki’s icy glare. “Strip the prisoner of his armor and weapons; use such search methods as are necessary to ensure that you have done your job. Take him, then, to the dungeons; he will remain imprisoned in his cell until I decide his fate.” 

The guards bowed and took hold of Loki’s arms; he stiffened in their grasp, but resisted the urge to fight back. He finally turned away from his father as the guards lead him from the room; as he left, however, he could still feel the pained gaze of his mother follow him from the hall. 

xxx

Loki picked up a decorative sphere on the side table of his cell and examined it with detached interest. He tossed the ball up in the air, watching it spiraling rapidly as it left his hand, and caught it deftly as it descended. He tossed it again, caught it. Up. Down. Up. Down…


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N: Hey, guys!!! WOW, thanks so much for the positive feedback! I’ve never gotten so many reviews/follows in one day EVER. :D So keep R/Ring, and I’ll try to keep updating! I’d like to be able to post a new chapter regularly, maybe once a week or so, but I’m not going to promise anything; I want to have the next one or two chapters at least partially written, if not completed, every time I upload. Right now, this is the last chapter that I’ve written, but I’ve already got an idea for the next chapter and I’ll be working on it tonight. So hopefully I’ll have the third chapter up within a couple of days!_ **

**_Again, thank you all for your support!!! :D It really means a ton._ **

**Disclaimer: I am Arwen of Awesomeness. KNEEL, FOR I AM BURDENED WITH THE GLORIOUS RIGHTS TO THIS FANFIC. And I have come down as a benevolent goddess to… wish that I had the rights to Thor and the rest of the Marvel stuff. :P Good enough for you, Stan Lee?**

**2**

         Loki stared at the intricate designs carved onto the columns in the throne room, ignoring Odin’s expressionless speech, which was periodically interrupted by the clinking of the heavy chains linked to Loki’s neck, wrists, and ankles with every move he made. The noise was quickly becoming a nuisance… not to mention the clanking chains.

          Odin’s droning voice faded in and out of Loki’s hearing, shifting backwards and forwards between his conscious and subconscious as certain words and phrases caught his attention: **_You have disgraced us… innocent lives you have taken… always seeking war, bloodthirsty for it… your selfish desires… endangering all of the Nine Realms…_**

******_Et cetera, et cetera,_** Loki thought to himself with a deadpan expression. He had no reason to care what Odin thought of him; he had long ago stopped trying to impress the fool, once he had learned the truth about himself and discovered just how little he was really worth to either his so-called father or to Thor. Those were the mistakes of the past; he would not fall into them again.

          He suddenly realized that Odin had stopped talking, and he turned towards the old man with a look of feigned surprise. “Oh, I’m sorry… what?”

          To Odin’s credit, and as per usual, he showed no visible signs of annoyance. “It seems my words fall on deaf ears. I waste the wisdom that time has granted me by casting it before those who value it not.”

          Loki raised an eyebrow. “The expression is ‘throwing pearls before swine’… something the humans thought of.” A slight, ironic smile played at his lips. “I never quite felt the weight of its truth until I tried to rule them. My attempts of benevolence were truly thrown before dumb, witless animals.”

          “Your crimes are inexcusable,” Odin said simply. “Despite your intentions, however worthy you may have considered them to be, you have spilt the blood of innocents, rudimentary as they are. Your actions are not to be taken lightly, prisoner.”

          Loki narrowed his eyes and smiled bitterly. “‘Prisoner’. You can’t even bring yourself to say my name, simply because I’ve embarrassed you, ‘Allfather’.”

          “It is not a name worthy to be spoken!” Odin said sharply. “It is a byword, a curse, a reminder of my foolishness in choosing you to be my second son, a child deluded by illusions of grandeur, seeing himself as king on a throne that would never belong to him!”

           ** _“IT IS MINE BY RIGHT!”_** Loki roared, his rage bursting from him before he could stop himself. For a moment, the carefully designed illusion he had cloaked himself in vanished, revealing his lengthening, disheveled hair and tunic—

          Instantly, the illusion was restored; Loki continued to glare at Odin, bottling his rage again, but continuing to seethe in his mind with righteous anger. It was **_his_** throne, **_he_** who should be king over the Nine Realms, not his oaf of a brother who was too besotted with his little pet human and making a show of his strength in order to prove his worth to his father to even care about ruling. **_He_** was the firstborn, whether by blood or otherwise; it was his **_right!_**

         Loki suddenly found himself being pulled away by his chains as the guards turned to leave; belatedly, he registered that he had been dismissed, and defiantly stood his ground. The guards stopped, unsure of what to do.

         “Fool,” Loki sneered. “A glimpse of my true nature is all you need to send you cowering in fear, ordering me to be thrown back into your little cage. All because you are a  **_coward_ ** .” His last words turned into growl, dripping with contempt and hatred.

         “It is not I who would send you away,” Odin replied calmly, standing with his back to Loki.

         Loki turned slightly and saw Frigga watching him from the shadows, her face grim and careworn. “You?” he asked with some surprise. “Then do you, too, fear me, Mother?” He couldn’t hide the menace in his tone as he walked toward her; she stood her ground and continued to watch him advance. “How often do you lie awake in the night, wondering what your little boy will do next, how he’ll break your heart again, how long until his hatred turns against even his own mother? Am I now no more than a threat to you?”

         “No, Loki,” Frigga whispered. She placed her hands on his shoulders as he stopped in front of her and looked deep into his eyes. “No… because I fear that you are becoming a threat to yourself.”

         He blinked rapidly and stared at her, caught off guard by her statement.

         “I fear the hatred that you hold in your heart,” she went on. “How much more will you feed its fire with your anger and jealousy? When will you be satisfied? When it consumes you and turns you into a monster, darker than even you thought possible? When it darkens your eyes to all creatures and becomes the sword of your crimes, the source of the blood on your hands, the beast that destroys not only those you love, but eventually even yourself?”

         She closed her eyes and let the tears fall, leaning her head against his chest. “Will you let go of the darkness tainting your heart one day, only to find that it has choked out the pinpoint of light that still survives even now?”

         “Frigga,” Odin said softly. “Come away now.”

         For a moment, she didn't move. Finally, she took a deep breath and turned away. With a nod from Odin, the guards began to lead the prisoner from the hall again.

         “Mother,” Loki said suddenly. He turned back towards her and the guards halted once more. Frigga met his eyes, and her words echoed in his mind.

**_When the darkness has choked out the light… When the darkness has choked out the light…_ **

          Loki smiled sadly, his anger momentarily gone and replaced only by regret and emptiness. “It already has.”


	3. Chapter 3

**_WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A BIT OF BLOOD, BUT IT’S DESCRIBED A BIT GRAPHICALLY THAN NORMAL. HAVE CARE._ **

**_A/N: Hello again! Here’s chapter 3, my current favourite; I wanted to quickly let you guys know that there will be some flashback scenes, like in this chapter, and there will also be some chapters where the majority of the spoken dialogue is taken directly from the movie and I just did the descriptions and the mindset of the characters. (You’ll see, haha…) Also, I know this story is in the angst genre, but honestly, it won’t get all that angsty really until later. There’s one chapter that I CANNOT WAIT to do and I’m really planning to just destroy it with angst. (Ok, I’ll tell… it’s the scene when Loki finds out his mother is dead, just from being told that she’s dead until Thor visits him.) But it’s going to be a while… So the most of the angst will be pretty moderate in this story, and it will be mostly emotional angst rather than physical. Don’t get me wrong, I live for Loki angst/whump, but since I’m sticking to the story line, I don’t want to bring in excess stuff like torture or anything like that, since it’s pretty clear that that didn’t happen in the movies. (I might try writing whump and torture Loki sometime, though… >:D). And again, thanks so much for the reviews!_ **

**_Druall: I’ll try to lengthen the chapters some more; this one may be longer than usual because I want to explore a lot of areas. The thing is, I’m very much a one-shot writer (which is why this story may seem a little bit disjointed), and I don’t write very long one-shots, so I’ll have to work on making things longer. :D CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Thanks again for your feedback!!! :D_ **

**_Ok, enough of me prattling on. LET IT BEGIN!!!_**

**_\--Arwen ;)_ **

**3**

 

         There were infinite ways, Loki hypothesized, that one could pace around the cell to which Loki was confined, depending on where exactly along each wall he started and in what sort of path he walked.

         Luckily for him, he’d probably have eternity to figure each one out.

         He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the corner of his cell, lost in thought. He had no doubt that Odin would show him no mercy, whenever he finally found it convenient to sentence him, at any rate. Loki expected the outcome would be either death, exile, or the spending the rest of his days trapped in this glass box, the only container that could stop him from escaping, no matter what tricks he devised against it. Once again, he was doomed to isolation, spurned and despised by all.

         No different to what he was used to. Such was his fate in life, it would seem.

         A bitter taste filled Loki’s mouth as he remembered learning the truth of who he was, finding out that he was no more than an outcast and worthless, mewling insect to his father, Laufey, and no greater than a pawn in Odin’s political games with Jotunheim…

 xxx 

         Loki paced in his chambers, his breathing shallow and staccatoed, his hands shaking, his trembling fingers occasionally running through his now tangled and wild hair. He caught sight of himself in the mirror, his eyes wide and wild, a raging storm of fear, shock, and fury.

  **_Laufey’s son…_**

         He stared at his hands, wondering at their pale color, tinged red with the blood rushing through them. Everything he was… all a lie. Down to even the color of his skin.

         A small, strangled cry escaped him, his hands clenching into fists.

          _(He stared down at the Casket, watching the power within it swirling madly in the depths of the cube, his heartbeat pounding in his ears as he watched it writhing, waking, responding… to **him**_. _He touched its handles and watched with horrified fascination as his skin transformed, blue snaking up his fingertips like the advance of deep frost.)_

        Odin had saved him from death, rescued him from abandonment, taken him in… **_and for what?_** Loki thought bitterly. **_Only because I was useful, a tool to be exploited._**

  _(On sudden impulse, he lifted the casket from its pedestal, breathing faster now as it came to life in his hands—)_

_(“Stop!”)_

The power of the Casket had known him for who he truly was and had accepted him, its power answering to **_him_** , Loki, the Frost Giant. Not Loki of Asgard… Loki **_Laufeyson_**.

_(He stiffened as Odin’s command echoed in his ears, staring at the blue skin that covered his hands and the rest of his body, its alien appearance made even more horrifying by the fact that it felt… normal. It felt like_ **his** _skin.)_

_(“Am I cursed?” he asked, his voice rough with the turmoil of emotions that fought for control over him—fear, mistrust… hatred.)_

          ** _Cursed_** , he thought. Cursed to a life of rejection and worthlessness, despised and apprehended by all, victimized and manipulated, never allowed to truly belong to anyone.

           _(“No,” Odin replied simply. Loki set the casket down, his hands beginning to shake ever so slightly.)_

_(“What am I?” Loki whispered. He turned, his eyes crimson, his skin a pale blue, speaking the truth of his identity: that he was… he was a…)_

_(No. Not that. It was impossible.)_

_(“You’re my son,” Odin said.)_

         Lies… all lies… Even his parentage had been a lie.

**** _(“What more than that?” Loki pressed him. He advanced slowly towards Odin, his eyes wary, hiding the fragility and fear that lurked beneath. “The Casket wasn’t the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?”)_

_(Odin’s shoulders seemed to sag slightly and he looked older, more careworn and wearied by age and the centuries, millennia of hardship he had faced.)_

_(“No,” Odin admitted, taking a deep breath. “In the aftermath of the battle, I went into the Temple, and I found a baby.” His gaze turned distant and glazed as he remembered the cries of the child, its blue, cold skin marked with ancient Jotun runes that faded into the pale, warm complexion of a human infant—a boy. “Small for a Giant’s offspring…” Odin continued, fixing his eyes firmly on Loki’s face. “Laufey’s son.”)_

         Loki’s stomach clenched as the realization struck him again. **_Laufey’s son._** He was a Frost Giant, the prince-child of a monster, a murderer, one of the last of his people, abandoned in the cold and left to die among the warriors of his people, never to know anything but blood and death.

           _(Loki felt as if the floor had dropped out beneath him, and he was almost sure his heart missed a few beats. He blinked rapidly, his mind reeling as he tried to make sense of it all. “Laufey’s son…” he repeated, stunned. A nauseous, weightless sensation built in his gut, waves of heat rushing over him, his pulse pounding in his ears, and he struggled to regain control of his senses. Once he was able to speak again, questions flooded his mind so fast that he was forced to grab onto the first comprehensible one that touched his mind.)_

_(“WHY?” he asked, incredulous. “You were knee-deep in Jotun blood; why would you take me?” It was a sincere question, but suspicion and betrayal began to grow beneath it.)_

_(“You were an innocent child…” Odin began, and Loki instantly knew that he was hiding something.)_

_(“No; you took me for a purpose,” Loki deduced, determination and a hint of wildness in his eyes. “What was it?”)_

_(Odin hesitated, trapped, and Loki felt as though he would go mad.)_

_(“TELL ME!!!” he screamed, desperation filling his words as tears of horror and despair rose to his eyes.)_

_**Would it have been better not to know?**_ Loki thought hollowly as he paced the room again. Forwards, step, step, turn. Back, step, step, turn. **_Would I have been happier without knowing who I truly am, blissfully unaware of the truth of why I am here in Asgard rather than dead on Jotunheim?_**

          _(Odin seemed to age another hundred years, leaning on his staff a little more heavily; when he spoke again, his voice was filled with regret and, Loki almost thought, shame. “I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, bring about an alliance… bring about a permanent peace… through you,” he confessed. “But those plans no longer matter.”)_

_(Loki felt as though Odin had stabbed in the back. “What…?” he breathed, shocked, a tear falling down his cheek. It couldn’t be true… Father would not do this to him, wouldn’t use him and treat him with such humiliation… but Odin himself had spoken it, and somehow, Loki knew that Odin couldn’t be lying.)_

          **_Why?_ ** Loki thought, betrayal and anger rising inside of him. **_Why did he never tell me and instead feed me the lie that I was his child, and then cheat me out of my throne, my rightful place as king, when I, a prince, was_ ** BORN **_to rule?!_ **

          _(“So I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up here until you might have use of me?” Loki accused, his voice broken and full of unshed tears.)_

_(“You twist my words…” Odin began, but Loki wasn’t finished.)_

_(“You could’ve told me what I was from the beginning; why didn’t you?!” Loki demanded, his hurt beginning to escalate to anger.)_

_(“You are my son, my blood,” Odin said sadly, his face pale and drained. “I wanted only to protect you from the truth.”)_

_( **The truth of what?!** Loki felt the invisible knife his father had plunged in his back twist viciously; so Odin was ashamed of whom Loki was? Afraid of him? “What, because I’m the monster parents tell their children about at night?” Loki stammered, and he felt his anger quickly giving rise to fury and bitterness.)_

_(Odin stumbled forward, shaking his head. “Don’t…”)_

_(Somewhere in his mind, Loki began to realize that something was seriously wrong, but he was far too enraged to care. Ignoring Odin’s wearied, persistent, “no”s, Loki pressed on further, venom dripping from his words as his voice turned into a snarl. “You know, it all makes sense now why you favored Thor all these years,” he spat, his brother’s cocky attitude and haughty conduct springing to mind, as well as how Thor had always been the better one, had always been the one to gain the privileges, the one who, no matter how undeserving, would inevitably inherit the throne following the All-father’s death. His blood boiling, his hands clenched into fists and he strode closer, even as Odin sank to the ground, a desperate, pleading hand reaching out as if to stay Loki’s anger. “Because no matter how much you claim to **“love”**_ _me, you could never have a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!” Loki snarled.)_

A growl of rage ripped from Loki’s throat, and he slammed his fist against the mirror hanging on his bedroom wall. It broke, the sound sharp and loud as the glass shattered against his hand, and he suddenly caught sight of himself in one of the pieces.

          _(An instant later, Loki’s mind seemed to catch up with him, and he suddenly registered what he was seeing as he watched Odin collapse on the stairs.)_

_(“No…” Loki breathed, horrified.)_

_(“Guards! Guards, please, help!!!” he shouted, his voice panicked; within seconds, the guards burst in and, without a moment’s hesitation, hurried Odin away to the healer. Loki stared at them as they left, his eyes wide with fear.)_

_( **What have I done?** )_

A crazed, crimson-eyed monster stared back at Loki from the shattered glass that still clung to the frame of the mirror; the creature stumbled backwards, its chest heaving, one pale blue hand beginning to bleed as the shards of glass embedded in its fist ground against the muscles and knuckles of its hand, slicing the skin that slowly began to fade back into pale normalcy traced by lines of liquid red.

          Loki felt the floor tilt beneath him as his vision darkened and his ears began to ring; he collapsed to his knees among the glass shards on the floor, the pieces tearing his trousers and raising hairline cuts on the skin beneath. Barely registering the throbbing of his palm, he buried his face in his hands, his fingers tangled in his hair painfully, sharp pinpoints of discomfort stabbing his scalp as the dark strands pulled free in Loki’s grip. His breathing shallow and gasping, he remained in his position on the floor, shaking with fear and revulsion.

           ** _What am I?_**

xxx

         **_“You’re my son.”_**

         Odin’s words echoed in Loki’s mind as he stared up at the ceiling of his cell, and his mouth twisted into a sardonic smile. **_Not anymore._**

          Because there was no redemption left for either of them, no forgiving Odin’s lies and no giving up what Loki had become—a monster, tortured by his past and the lies he had been fed for so long, the pain fueling his descent into a darkness of the mind that not even the brightest light could break through. His father’s betrayal had placed him on this highway to hell, and so he would walk it until he got there, until the blood and screams of those he had killed haunted him with no release, until the thirst of his fury for vengeance was finally satiated, no matter the cost.

           ** _This, All-father,_** he thought, his emerald eyes glaring maliciously at the ceiling. **_THIS_ _is what I am._**

 

**_A/N: WOW. That was a marathon… :D Hope you guys liked it!!! It was a lot of work and I had to fix some stuff quite a few times so it didn't get repetitive. Sorry about the h*** thing for those who are sensitive to language; I don’t usually use it and I don’t like to, but it worked kind of perfectly here, and it won’t be coming up again. (Yeah, I know there’s a d word in the argument with Loki and Thor about Jane, but I figured something out with that, so don’t worry about it._** **_) So please read and review!!! :D_ **

****

**_Love,_ **

**_Arwen ;)_ **


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